Time really flies and I will be starting school again next Monday. After my mother left my house in the afternoon, I was left alone with Clare at home. As I watched her playing with her toys, I suddenly thought of the fact that school's starting next week and a feeling of fear crept into me. I did not know what caused the fear. My first instinct was to sms Damon and ask him to come back from work on time if he could.
On hindsight, I realised what was causing the fear. After spending the past couple of weeks with Clare everyday, I realised that she is changing and growing up everyday. I feel that everyday is a milestone for her. I enjoy watching her every move, I enjoy all the surprises she spring upon us everyday and most of all, I enjoy every single moment spent with her.
The thought of going back to school caused this fear of not being able to be there for her most of the time, fear of missing out on her growing up day by day and of course, the separation anxiety that is building up very strongly in me.
Somehow, I kind of made up my mind what I want in life. I want to be there to witness Clare's growing up process, to enjoy her at every phase of her life. Even though deciding to be a SAHM (at least a part-time SAHM) means sacrificing a substantial amount of income, the quality time spent with Clare and the bond developed can never be bought with any amount of money.
I am very glad that Damon and my parents are very supportive of the idea of me taking no-pay leave next year and trying out giving part-time tuition. I am especially thankful to Damon who is so willing to take up the sole responsibility of providing for the family. I want Clare to know that if I am able to stay at home and spend more time with her, it is only made possible by Daddy's unconditional love for us. =)
I also want to thank Joan for being so inspiring for me in my decision to be a part-time SAHM. I distinctly remember this thing that she told me, God always provides in every situation we find ourselves in. Even though this is a very big step to take, knowing that God will be with us all the time just makes it so much easier for us. =)
Clare, just want to let you know that Mummy loves you very much. Even though the next 3 months will be a very busy and stressful period for Mummy in school, Mummy promises to spend as much quality time as I can with you and Daddy. Give Mummy another few months more to clear my work as I cannot leave my P6 students halfway through the year and hopefully Mummy will be able to fulfill her wish to be a part-time SAHM. Love you lots! =)
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